Michael John Matheron, December 16, 2016, 4:30 pm, Trump Transition Team HQ.
Using the surprise and provocative tactics he is known for President-Elect Donald Trump named his choice for Deputy Chief of Mission to the United States Embassy in China, Ms. Juli Chen. Ms. Chen, a twenty year old Taiwanese citizen and reigning Miss Eastern Taiwan 2016 also holds an Associate of Arts degree in international aquatic forestry from the National University of Taiwan. The announcement came moments ago at Trump Tower when transition team Chief of Marketing VP-Elect Mike Pence threw the following memo to a group of reporters:
Trump Transition Team
Chief of Marketing, Vice President-Elect Mike Pence
December 15, 2016
RE: Selection of Deputy Chief of Mission of the United States Embassy in Beijing, China US Department of State website.
As second-in-command to Iowa Governor Terry Branstad (following his confirmation as Ambassador by the United States Senate), Ms. Chen’s responsibilities will include the role of Acting Ambassador to China during Ambassador Branstad’s visits to other countries, including to the United States where he will manage the Iowa GOP Committee. A Deputy Chief of Mission at U.S. embassies, however, is not subject to Senate confirmation, therefore Ms. Chen will become the Acting Ambassador to China during the period of Governor Branstad’s confirmation. Due to expected Senate Democrat resistance to each of our cabinet selections, Ms. Chen may remain our Acting Ambassador to China for many months or years after January 20, 2017, inauguration day.
Ms. Chen, a renowned beauty pageant winner since her infancy, presently serves as Miss Eastern Taiwan. In the course of her lifetime’s work Ms. Chen visited many countries on or near the border of the People’s Republic of China, the world’s largest communist country. She appeared most recently in Rome, at the secretive Miss Afghanistan 2016 pageant, however, no winner was announced due to security concerns.
World and U.S. diplomatic reaction to her selection is thus far muted due to the bold nature of our President-Elect’s choice senior adviser to our Ambassador to the People’s Republic of China, the world’s largest communist country.. The democratically elected Taiwan government, however, applauds this decision, and informed Ms. Chen of her selection during a break in her English Literature in German Translation class at the National Taipei University, where she is sophomore class President and Ambassador-At-Large for the university’s Free-Style Clogging Club.
Taiwan government sources reported Ms. Chen’s reaction:
“Due to euphoria induced by the great honor bestowed upon her, she displays an understandable and veritably temporary condition of dissociative catatonia akin to petrification of wood in ancient forests. We have urged Ms. Chen to fully recover in time for next Saturday’s one-on-one meeting with President-Elect Trump at his Florida presidential palace, the Mar-A -ago pool house.”
As marketing director of the transition team, I can report that President-Elect Donald Trump looks forward to Miss Eastern Taiwan’s contributions to the United States and plans to work very closely with her on matters both foreign and domestic, including personally assisting her preparation for the “fast track” United States citizenship test.”
Reactions Range From Muted To Semi-Consciousness To Manic Flailing About
AP and Reuters, thus far maintain that reports of Ms. Chen’s appointment as Deputy Chief of the China station are “unconfirmed, or metaphysically impossible.” BBC was not as sure. As a precaution the communications giant shut down operations and moved en masse to the mountains of Wales. Bucking this trend, CNN and MSNBC already have reporters on-site, fighting for position outside Taipei’s prestigious psychiatric facility where Ms. Chen resides after her “exceptionally joyful reaction to her new career path,” Taiwanese officials report.
Not muted in their responses, celebrity magazines have pulled reporters from other major stories, bringing to a standstill coverage of the Brangelina divorce battlefront. TMZ , although they have not secured landing rights, has dispatched its entire celebrity reporter team to Taiwan, leaving Kanye West devastated. Our own foreign correspondent developed “locked open mouth paralysis,” according to his dentist. Nonetheless, he reported by twitter his arrival at Taipei International Airport.
Some senior U.S. diplomats raised concerns about Ms. Chen’s qualifications, deemed extremely scant by Henry Kissinger, particularly, he pointed out, “Miss Eastern Taiwan is not a career foreign service officer, a longstanding job requirement.” Trump transition sales persons dismissed Kissinger’s apprehensions by pointing out that the “age of expertise has passed.”
People’s Republic of China Diplomatically “Unmuted”
Politicians opine that if the story of Ms. Chen’s appointment proves true, the Peoples Republic of China (PRC) will surely view it as another diplomatic slap in the face by the Trump team, especially in the wake of the brouhaha connected with Mr. Trump’s acceptance of a congratulatory phone call from Tsai Ing-wen, President of Taiwan. The PRC considers the island of Taiwan a renegade state. Peppered with China’s formal – and escalating – official complaints about the phone call, controversy in the U.S. and in the wider world still swirls and deepens. “Turned out, ‘One China’ wasn’t simply a slogan like ‘Confederate States of America’,” said one U.S. Senator from behind a door in the Senate members’ men’s room.
Thus far, our next president, is not bigly impressed, has often repeated his criticisms of China, and has embargoed Panda Express and P. F. Chang’s from the transition team’s lunch menus. Mr. Trump’s intransigence re the PRC, of course, has defcon-moving implications. For decades, the United States yielded to China’s “One China” policy, whereby the United States eschews diplomatic relations with Taiwan. The Trump/Tsai Ing-wen post-election phone conversation was a known and serious violation of that rapprochement. Trump’s follow-up criticisms including intimating that his government might jettison America’s acquiescence in the “One China” policy created a universal scratching of the head, although the long dormant bomb shelter industry rallied to levels not seen since 1962’s Cuban missile crisis.
Democrats screamed, Republicans, mostly shrugged, many actually rejoiced, especially those suffering from still lingering neoconservative syndrome. Said one Congressman who refused to be identified:
This China thing gets me recalling those dynamite-packed days of Vice President Cheney’s administration, the freewheeling who-gives-a-damn statesmanship where anything at all might happen on any given day, without notice, even a shooting war. Why just earlier today, China’s aircraft had it first ever live ammo drill. We got them worried. That’s what made us great then and why Trump voters, in a carefully though out fashion, carried out their plan to win the electoral college contest, and handed the presidency to Mr. Trump. In any event, in Wall Street lingo, I’m long fallout shelters, have been since Reagan. American dream, and available for as little as nine hundred ninety-nine American dollars for a shelter that’ll fit a family of six.”
More to follow should the report of Ms. Chen’s appointment become more believable.