Sarah Palin Named As Head Of “Grizzly Bear Free School Zone” Project By New Education Secretary DeVos
Michael J. Matheron February 9, 2017
Betsy DeVos, courtesy of VP Mike Pence’s tie-breaking Senate vote, blasted herself out of a terrible senatorial witch hunt and is now our Secretary of Education. She’s got a long climb ahead of her, and has already designated a corp of staffers to visit city public schools for her to identify which need to be un-maintained. As you know we cannot afford public schools, new ones or broken ones.
The committee hearings were a hoot, early on causing certain oddball Democrat senators to pound their heads against the tables. Connecticut’s Democrat Senator Chris Murphy often appeared to be suffering an existential crisis. Well sir, that’s what happens when you get hit right in the head with innovation! [See this alt-left-socio-commie article for more mistaken concerns about SecEd DeVos]
Among her higher priorities voiced loud and clear during the confirmation hearings is ensuring that as SecEd our school children do not continue to provide grizzly bear captives, forced into slavery. On an unrelated subject, Senator Murphy pushed DeVos about why she could not definitively assert that firearms be banned on school grounds. DeVos brought the senator back to earth, relating something she’d heard from Sen. Mike Enzi about a school in Wyoming that has fences around it to protect against grizzly bears.
“I will refer back to Sen. Enzi and the school he is talking about in Wyoming. I think probably there, I would imagine there is probably a gun in a school to protect from potential grizzlies.”
Case closed. DeVos 1, Murphy 0, nada, bupkis!
I support truth talking. In my suburban Maryland Silver Spring neighborhood (close to, but outside the infamous Washington, D.C. beltway!), packs of grizzlies literally lounge outside the elementary school across the street, at the door that leads to our children’s playground. At recess these unbearable bears form a militarily precise grizzly gauntlet. There they pick off the slower and weaker youngsters for capture, and relay them along to their fleetest of foot “brethren” whilst a remaining force provides rearguard duties. Where they go, nobody knows. The nearby woods, infested with prickly undergrowth, protective trees, and savage chipmunks rule out pursuit by our “Grizzly Patrol.” And the Chicken-State of Maryland disallows firearms to be fired at grizzly bears on school grounds. Have a look at these crazy pseudo laws!)
And who, exactly, do these unconstitutional prohibitions encourage and embolden? Grizzly bear bandits. Also note, no surveillance systems designed to track grizzlies exist, and time and again the Democrat party has blocked enabling legislation, here in Maryland, and there in Washington. The U.N refuses our entreaties. Go grizzlies, go! Without military-grade ground, air, and sea support our neighborhood “Grizzly Watch” is outmatched by these insistent grizzlies, armed as they are with teeth and claws (which, admittedly, the 2nd Amendment guarantees). Maybe grizzlies (and chipmunks, a source of much injury and death in our area) ought to be required to register their claws and sharpest teeth. Hah! As if that will ever catch on with sign-carrying Democrats!
Now, though, we have a SecEd who gets it – there are literally millions of grizzly bears in our cities, from Miami, Ohio to Miami, Florida (see chart below, released today). Take heed. In a well reported story out of downtown Dallas, Texas, human “Grizzly Commandos” cornered grizzly kidnapping schemers. Yet the commandos lost in their up-close encounters, along with their children and their firearms to these felonious grizzlies. As a result these Dallas parents have accepted what appears inevitable: their enslaved children held in grizzly tribes where they are forced to learn woodland skills, berry identification, playfulness, and proper etiquette (according to who’s rules, I ask). These brainwashed children never return home or buy firearms. In Atlanta, the “grizzies” have learned how to hot wire police vehicles, and many brazenly hand out tickets for embezzlement, bank fraud, political corruption, and other victim-less crimes.
The Real Battle Joined
We here in our little Maryland town are overjoyed to hear that Mrs. Sarah Palin will head up a new Education Department subdivision, Project “Grizzly Bear Free School Zone America,” staffed by tens of thousands of starry-eyed education researchers, science teachers, and former teachers’ union members. Mrs. Palin made no understandable comments about her plans – don’t you love her for that ?! Some human creatures called linguistic forensic scientists will sort it all out, but they’re lying big time, of course. One thing I did notice – and loved! – Mrs. Palin came to her new D.C. office armed to the teeth. She literally held a military grade knife pirate-style between her gorgeous pearly whites. And wore an eye patch! Sanity has returned to America, great again just like it’s always been! So alt-leftists, get a job, look up “grizzly bear” in your leather-bound Wikipedias, and, above all, shut your yaps about SecED DeVos. Admit it, her first staff hire shows what kind of person she is!