Michael J. Matheron, December 30, 2017
The so-called "A" list celebrities are all wanting tixs to the inauguration, but look what they did for Hillary, NOTHING. I want the PEOPLE!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 23, 2016
President-elect Donald Trump’s aides are lowering expectations about recruiting a large number of big-name entertainers for his inauguration Jan. 20.
“You know, this is not Woodstock,” Boris Epshteyn, communications director for Trump’s inaugural committee, told CNN. “It’s not Summer Jam. It’s not a concert. It’s not about celebrities. As Donald Trump tweeted himself, it’s about the people. That’s what we’re concentrated on.”
6:00 P.M. (EST) New York, New York
They Will Say ANYTHING! embedded reporter
Trump Tower Transition Team, Entertainment Dept.
They say Friday is often a slow news day, yet I can report the following, witnessed moments ago: “I have an important announcement to make,” stammered a Trump Inaugural Committee intern shimmering with nervous tics that strangely even included his hair.
“We have a scheduling change to announce for the inauguration talent line-up. If evaluated objectively without your reporters’ usual bitchiness, you should look as this change as merely a creative revision of our original plan.
“First, I’m very inexperienced with booking entertainment acts – before this transition gig I was a gaffer on Celebrity Apprentice. So, O.K., here’s the deal. As you know, we planned to feature the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, a fine band, as the tip-top – er, I mean, only – inauguration day celebrity orchestra.
“But I sort of miscommunicated. During the booking process I was returning tweets from President-Elect Trump instead of looking at the numbers I was dialing. So, anyway, quite understandably, instead of booking the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, I apparently booked the Norman Tabernacle Choir, a group from a town called Hastings in England whose roots there go back to October 1066.
“On the overhead television screen, you’ll see a picture of the soprano section [see below]. They are a good band too. So as far as inaugural music vibes, we’re still offering the best. And, if you journalist swine choose to see it this way, here’s an interesting fact: the Norman Tabernacle Choir members do not speak English but are fluent 11th century Norman speakers! It’s sort of like French mixed up with some other ancient lingoes.
“Anyway, it really worked out pretty well. Nonetheless, when told about my understandable rookie mistake, I immediately did not inform President-Elect Trump, but chose to handle it on my own. Off in a flash went a tweet to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s director, asking whether the choir would be honored to share the stage with the Norman song-smiths who are firmly under contract. I regret the Mormon choir director advised me that
‘Thank you for the invite, however, I advise you to go to the top of Trump Tower, accompanied by find Mr. Trump himself. You will then break a window capacious enough for both of you. Embrace in a manly hug and then leap outward and consequently downward. And may God bless you as you hurtle towards God’s asphalt earth.’
“Confused as to whether his reply was an acceptance or a kick in the ass, I called back a few times for clarification, but my twitter account broke.
“In conclusion, I regret that mistakes were made and hope that you will not report this to your newspapers. God forbid that Mr. Trump should learn of this faux pas committed by a former gaffer on his first gig as an intern-in-training, albeit an intern who sort of messed up bigly, but did so with Trumpian enthusiasm for the assignment.”
Is it safe to assume we’ll hear of more adjustments to the Trump inaugural parade of stars?