Top 10 Mitt Romney Thoughts After Donald Trump’s Endorsement
Today, Mitt Romney accepted Pope Donald of New York’s sponsorship for President of a province in the papal realm known as the “United States of America.” Although limited in power by the New York Eminence, the United States presidency is a sought after position nonetheless. Thus, Mr. Romney, a former provincial Governor of the United States canton of Massachusetts, was particularly overjoyed by the Pope’s warm-hearted benefaction. The scene at the Pope’s Winter residence in the small city of Las Vegas in His Nevada canton was one of joy for His Eminence and Mr. Romney . . . and one of disappointment steeped in sorrow for Mr. Newt Gingrich, the other finalist in the spirited competition for Pope Donald’s goodwill. Speaking to the press corps, the Supreme Pontiff explained:
“Carissimi filii, Romneyaromo Mittando amamus et diligimus Gingrichio Newto. Sed multo magis diligimus Mittando hodie. Newto, Newto, fili carissime, ne desperes, bene volumus! Nos aestimare quid ad te cito, cito, fortasse post primam Minnesota. Amen.” [For those whose first language is not Latin, see the official tanslation.]
Upon recovery from his overly joyful celebration, Mr. Romney was asked what were his happiest thoughts after hearing Pope Donald’s endorsement and kind words. Here’s what he told reporters . . .
Cras ultrices viverra, quærimus faciem tuam.
Aliquam bona tibi.
Aliquam erat volutpat!
Amen.
[Official translation for non-Latin speakers]
