Sochi Winter Olympics Replacement Toilets Installed, Usage Directive Issued By Kremlin

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Michael Matthew Bloomer, February 13, 2014.

Responding to a tsunami of complaints about toileting difficulties in Sochi, the Olympics Committee, after consulting with the Sochi Chamber of Commerce Directorate and the Russian government issued official guidelines that now govern all toilet-related activities for the remainder of the Olympics competition. The Sochi spokeswoman explained,

“This directive of 13 February 2014 will make the toilet to use in Sochi more almost normal. This rule will simple and make regular the toilet hole in each of Sochi rooms of for to deposit excretings, like the restaurant, the hotel, the brothel, the holding cell, the under the bridges, and the many like.

Olympics visitor and the combating athlete is strictly to follow the posted rule when to toilet you do. Includes Americans. Finally, this order does not to the homosexual types who have sneaked among Olympic site have the application. This is why because we for them do not provide the toileting opportunity, but wish for them the good control of the bladder and the colon.

The failing you to behave in correct ways on toilet will cause to some uncomforting country you be shipped in cargo room. We want you enjoy now to happy toilet at the Winter Olympics!”

Here is the new placard now installed in all restrooms throughout the Olympic region:

Sochi Olympics toileting directive

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Michael Matheron

From Presidents Ronald Reagan through George W. Bush, I was a senior legislative research and policy staff of the nonpartisan Library of Congress Congressional Research Service (CRS). I'm partisan here, an "aggressive progressive." I'm a contributor to The Fold and Nation of Change. Welcome to They Will Say ANYTHING! Come back often! . . . . . Michael Matheron, contact me at

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