Paul Ryan Billboard Seeks To Woo Women Voters Away From Obama/Biden

Billboard outside Mall of America in Minnesota.
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For immediate release. Reporting for They Will Say ANYTHING! from West Chester or West Goshen, Pennsylvania with the Ryan campaign. Tuesday, August 21, 2012.

To address their disadvantage with women voters, the Romney campaign is trying to capitalize on what they alone believe is a positive “Ryan effect.” Said a Romney campaign staffer:

“His gorgeous blue eyes and chiseled body has focus-grouped well with all groups regardless of gender, religion, race, gun ownership, or party affiliation,”

A reporter interjected. “Are there no other areas where Congressman Ryan might be helpful to the campaign?”

The response was instant:

“God no!”

I spoke up, perhaps I interrupted: “Yes, yes, I see your strategy,” although I did not. But political journalism is all about lying to gain and retain access. Gain and retain.

Our spokesperson continued:

“We’re polling far behind the Obama campaign in all human rights issues, so far behind that, candidly, we’ve given up. But now, with Paul Ryan on the ticket we’re certain we can overtake Obama in areas where Paul Ryan is strong, for example, he has stronger and bolder hair styling and more attractive eyes.”

An attendant unveiled a smaller version of the first Ryan billboard, and explained:

“These will be displayed at malls and other shopping sites as well as disco dance bars, roller skating rinks, sweet shops, nightclubs, knitting circles, cooking classes, hairdressers, and other venues where women congregate on a daily basis.”

This reporter is thinking that the Romney folks may have hit pay dirt with their “Eye’n Ryan” campaign. Who says there’s a Republican war on women?

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