Mysterious Rootless Floridian Announces For Presidency In Already Crowded GOP Field
Michael JF Matheron, June 15, 2015
Just a step behind Hillary Clinton’s declaration for the presidency, and a step ahead of Donald Trump’s, a white 62 year-old native Texan, who claims to have been Florida’s 43rd Governor from 1999 to 2007, entered the large and growing field of GOP presidential hopefuls. Known to the public at large as ‘Jeb,’ the tall (he’s 6’3″) and fit gentleman also asserts that he was a member of the National Assessment Governing Board, although no one has yet verified the his story nor whether such an oddly titled board truly existed.
Among ‘Jeb’s’ occupations during the decade following his as yet unsupported claim to Florida’s governorship, he alleges board memberships in a number of businesses, and maintains he was a consultant to Lehman Bros., and, following Lehman’s collapse, to Barclay’s. How these experiences will impact his presidential run is quite up in the air: several of the companies he assisted were principally considered criminal enterprises by regulators. One, InnoVida, went belly up amidst a tsunami of humbug and directors taking up residence in Belize. Another, Swisher Hygiene, sued by shareholders for various bookkeeping schemes, features ‘Jeb No Last Name’ featured as a defendant. And then, of course, there was Lehman Brothers. Would the investment bank still be a going concern had ‘Jeb’ not served as one of its board members? Who can say? Nonetheless, many Lehman traders, presently parking lot attendants and organ grinders, told this reporter they have suspicions. [See details]
Surprisingly, the new candidate refused to provide any information whatever regarding his family of origin. Nor would he provide a surname or a birth certificate, a rite that is now de rigueur during presidential election cycles. He did volunteer his Florida drivers license, but, having examined it myself, the space directly to the right of ‘Jeb’ appears to have been rather inexpertly covered over with old-fashioned “White-Out” from the typewriter era. His address was merely “Florida.” ‘Jeb’s’ staffers ignored reporters repeated requests for more exactitude, and Postal Service senior staff kicked upstairs the same query. This apparent failure of transparency may prove to complicate his presidential candidacy, if not scuttle it altogether.
‘Jeb’s’ entry into the 2016 race, however ill-advised, revivify one’s belief that, in America, anyone may act foolishly during any election cycle. Bravo, ‘Jeb,’ if that truly is your name. Bravo!