EXXON Helps Greece With Cash Crisis – Buys Parthenon “On Spec”
Alexis Zorba . . . the Greek
Drilling For Assets. EXXON is not especially known for its non-oil businesses, but this is going to change as a result of its “Buy Greece Now!” program announced this morning by Rex Tillerson, Chairman and CEO of ExxonMobil. He explained,
“It’s simple, we’ve got a kaboodle of cash just sitting in U.S. banks and a sh*tload of decaying T-Bills. Greece is a fairytale buying opp. We’d love to invest in the United States, but until it falls into a real 1930’s depression, public lands and . . .
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other federal and state assets are not at rock bottom prices. We’ve inquired about buying the Grand Canyon, for example, but GPO is still asking too much. We’d surely love to drill there, but . . . Now Greece! A copper-plated U.S. penny will get you a sawbuck’s worth of value. We’re all in.”
ExxonMobil hopes this will assist Greece in its struggle to avoid economic and social cataclysm, yet it’s shopping list is clearly aimed at buying low and generating income. Chairman Tillerson revealed that ExxonMobil had on June 28th already made an initial purchase of a
“property in Athens that has for many years occupied a perch overlooking the entire city. We feel we can develop this property for many uses, and will be conferring with the Disney imagineers soon. Meanwhile, we’ll continue to operate it at a loss as a tourist attraction. We do have an option to sell back the property should it fail to produce, by the way, something our shareholders ought to know.”
Below is a photo of the property the day prior to its sale to ExxonMobil ExxonMobil despairs that this site has been maintained in this state for millenia, without significant modernization. To view the updated Parthenon as of the day of the ExxonMobil sale, click on the picture.
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| Parthenon property last week. Click on picture to view the property the day after ExxonMobil’s acquisition on June 28th. |
The Greek asset sale program has also drawn the attention of Goldman Sachs. On the top of their list is Delphi, the ancient site of the Delphic Oracle. According to a senior Goldman Sachs executive, “we plan to purchase the archaeological sites as well as the entire city of Delphi and all its inhabitants.” The ultimate goal is to “reassign all our marketing forecasting staff to the place where the Oracle is thought to have dwelt, for obvious reasons.”
