After BCS Championship Game Miss Alabama 2012, Katherine Ross, Rockets To Top Of 2016 GOP Presidential Candidate Preference Polls
A former Miss Alabama Katherine Webb has rocketed to the top of just-released popularity polls that surveyed hundreds of thousands of likely GOP voters in the upcoming 2016 GOP Presidential primaries.
The results today of polls conducted during Monday night’s BCS National Championship football game indicate that Ms. Webb, who is dating Crimson Tide national championship quarterback AJ McCarron, captured 88% of all respondents as their top choice for their party’s 2016 nomination. Men and women, boys and girls, elderly and preposterously elderly, dog owners and cat lovers, gun owners and scardey cats, sports lovers and closeted bookworms who never go outdoors, moderate conservatives or those institutionalized in sanitaria, and persons alive or recently deceased, all groups, all religions, all demographics picked Webb over other seasoned GOP stalwarts.
Among the clear losers are men and women heretofore considered GOP superstars: Jeb Bush (1% in polls); Chris Christie (1%); Rick Santorum (2%); Michele Bachmann (2%); Donald Trump (2%); Jim DeMint (0.5%); Mrs. Thurston Howell III (1%); No Preference (4%); and Jon Huntsman (“Who’s he?”). Polling in the negative numbers were the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (-2%) and Newt Gingrich (-43%). Under Ms. Ross’s spell, each contender fell dozens of points over their previous ratings, except President Ahmadinejad who gained a percentage point on Newt Gingrich since the January 2, 2013 Rasmussen poll.
The former Miss Alabama’s popularity is undoubtedly real. After she burst onto the national scene by virtue of Brent Musberger’s repeated and salacious endorsements during Monday night’s BCS national championship, her tweet followers increased from 2,000 to more than 200,000. GOP operatives took notice.”Hell,” said Karl Rove,1 “she can call me Turd Blossom anytime!”He continued:
“During the championship game Miss Webb displayed the principal attributes that Republicans seek in a presidential candidate. She’s dating a football star, she’s very attractive to both men and women of all genders. And we need the women in 2016. Women vote for women. Rumors circulate that she speaks Spanish. Latinas vote for Latinas. I can prove it with charts and surveillance videos. Another bonus: some say she was packing a taser at the game! Frankly, I’m giddy.”
Sheldon Adelson, the most determined financier within the GOP, described himself as
“Plotzing, plotzing, plotzing! I’ve already sent a check for $125,000,000. Start-up funds, you know. Go look up ‘plotzing.’ You’ll see my picture.”
Adding another voice to the chorus of praise was Newt Gingrich2 who immediately offered Ms. Webb his assistance.
“Clearly, she’ll need some prep work. And clearly I am the most qualified to provide that. I have, therefore, will immediately reach out to Ms. Webb with both my arms open wide. Clearly, she will accept my proposal to act as her mentor in a close and personal relationship between now and the end of her second term as President. Also, I am open wide to accepting Miss Webb’s offer of the 2016 Vice Presidency. Clearly.”
In related news, early this morning Callista Gingrich filed for divorce.3
- After The Election: Where Are They Now? 2nd In A Series : Karl Rove, Michael Matthew Bloomer, They Will Say ANYTHING!, Nov. 11, 2012 ↩
- After The Election: Where Are They Now? 3rd In A Series : Newt Gingrich, Michael Matthew Bloomer, They Will Say ANYTHING!, Nov. 18, 2012 ↩
- Callista Gingrich’s Guide To Staying On Top Of Newt Gingrich, Michael Matthew Bloomer, They Will Say ANYTHING!, Dec. 9, 2011 ↩