Romney Meets With Palestinian Prime Mininister Salam Fayyad, Suggests Palestinians “Be More Jewish” And Relocate to Canadian Island Province

Sunday, July 29, 2012, Jerusalem, Israel. Presumptive GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, as he promised, met with Palestinian National Authority Prime Minister Salam Fayyad in Jerusalem this afternoon. Mr. Romney explained that the meeting with Fayyad was intended as a politics-free “sincere effort on my part to sit and listen”

“to the concerns of the people who Prime Minister Fayyad represents despite their considerably smaller GDP than Israel. In the spirit of respectful listening, I shall speak no more from this point forward, except to assert my belief that it is the cultural disparity between Israel and the Palestinian people that surely explains the wealth gap. To improve their critically important gross domestic product, Palestinians would benefit by adopting in its entirety the Jewish religio-cultural legacy. I shall now be silent and listen to Prime Minister Fayyad.”

Undeterred by the candidate’s vow of silence, a rude journalist asked,

“Governor, do your comments on the wealth and GDP gap between Israel and the Pales- tinians indicate a belief on your part that Saudi Arabia and China have superior cul- tures to that of Israel since their GDPs dwarf Israel’s? That seems to follow from your reasoning. Ought Israel now adopt Wahhabism? Or Buddhism?”

I thought, “Does he have not have ears with which to hear?” It was very pleasant for me to view Governor Romney answering the question by miming the familiar zipped mouth indicator of silence. Bravo! Silly question anyway, I thought. What was he trying to do?”

After Romney aides politely whisked the battty journalistic interrupter from the scene, PM Fayyad welcomed Mr. Romney as

“an individual about whom much has been said, and I shall not add more to that considerable burden which we all look upon with awe.”

The Governor nodded his head and smiled broadly, but true to his words at the outset, did not speak.

PM Fayyad continued,

“Minutes prior to our meeting today, Governor Romney’s foreign policy expert, a man with an improbable moustache named John Bolton, provided me with a seven point Israeli-Palestinian peace program that the Governor urges upon my people, the nearly five million souls who live in Gaza, the West Bank, and elsewhere within Israel. Mr. Bolton indicated that the plan would

“work well to address the vital interests of both the state of Israel and of you guys.”

With a visage that this reporter diagnoses as grateful, Fayyad resumed his comments.

The handwriting of this document is childlike, but I believe I can manage. The seven point peace plan offered to the PNA is as follows:

‘One, Everyone pack,

Two, Everyone gets on buses, then off to the Tel Aviv airport,

Three, Fly on Israeli and American cargo jets to Prince Edward Island in Canada,

Four, Disembark at Charlettown Airport, PEI,

Five, Bus to the village of Tignish on the Gulf of Saint Lawrence in the rustic and calming upper northwest corner of PEI,

Six, Unpack, settle in, introduce the contingent of five million Palestinians to their new neighbors, the seven hundred and eighty residents of Tignish, and then

Seven, Meet with PEI and Canadian government officials to begin negotiating a permanent peace plan and a bridge to a more Jewish/Canadian culture which will thereby improve Palestinians’ GDP.’

Collecting himself from a burst of happy emotion, Prime Minister Fayyad, continued,

“Thus reads this unprecedented document. I am given to understand that the government of Israel has agreed to this plan with no reservations, and will provide massive support to the proposed resettlement of the Palestinian nation. At the present time I myself am not familiar with the exact location of Prince Edward Island, much less than with the village of Tignish, but Mr. Bolton informs me it

“is in a tropical area of Canada that is eerily similar to Gaza, without, of course, the occasional rocket fire.”

Then, looking first at Governor Romney, then at the peace plan, then again at Governor Romney, then yet again at the peace plan, then at Mr. Bolton, then still once more at the peace plan, the Prime Minister spoke,

To say that I am stunned at this document and its suggestions would be an insult to the word ‘stunned.’ Never before have I seen such a plan. Nor, I am certain, has anyone else in human history. It is impossible for me to express my feelings at this time. I must now sit.”>

With that brief address to reporters, the Prime Minister was assisted to his leather chair and was administered a whiff of smelling salts as Mr. Romney nodded pleasantly. Remaining true to his promise to simply “sit and listen,” the GOP kingpin then mimed the classic hand motions that indicated his need to attend to a call of nature. He then rose, pivoted to the right, and left the room. Following a period of nearly one half hour, Prime Minister Fayyad’s aide-de-camp informed him that Governor Romney had left the building twenty nine minutes ago and would not be returning.

Your reporter on scene scores this a win, for Romney, for Israel, and for the Palestinians. Romney comported himself well, and proved to skeptical independent voters that he did not need to speak in order to have a difficult conversation with a controversial figure. Clearly, to this reporter, in every way this was a historic breakthrough for the Romney team. Prime Minister Fayyad was visibly moved by a practical peace initiative that has so dumbfounded and eluded the Obama administration. And, to boot, a plan that does not implicate territory of any true value, usefulness (even to canadains), or strategic national security concern to America’s or Israel’s interests.

Am I just dreaming, or is the name “Palestinian Edward Island” within our grasp?

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