North Korea Announces Successful Launch Of A Massive Rocket Directly Into A Nearby Bay!
Yesterday, North Korea defied those nations arrayed against its missile development program by successfully launching a three-stage rocket directly into a nearby bay. According to North Korean State News, approximately 90 seconds after ignition the missile’s first of three stages “triumphantly separated in spectacular fashion” sending the remaining two stages plummeting earthward into Korea Bay, near China. A North Korean State News spokesperson reported, “following its flight plan precisely, it landed with well-planned accuracy somewhere in Korea Bay. North Korean binocularists have been instructed to quickly identify its landing place.”
North Korean aerospace scientists quickly rejoiced after the successful test:
“This went exactly as we had planned. The world must take heed. North Korea today launched a very large rocket. Its thousands of expertly designed fragments then successfully landed in a nearby bay, the well-planned target. Our nation’s underwater exploration program, announced fifteen minutes ago, is well begun!”
According to other North Korean rocket engineers being hurried off for execution, the missile performed exactly as they had hoped.
“Imagine,” one said, “Uhna-3’s view of the majestic Korea Bay as she rushed to enclose his descent in a soft embrace, ever willing to reveal her deepest secrets!” [Ed. Note: Unha-3 was the name given to the rocket. In our language, “Unha-3” means “Unha-3”]
Observers from many countries were both impressed and peeved by North Korea’s triumph:  impressed that they had launched and successfully hit their target; peeved that they had launched and successfully hit their target. The American Ambassador-Without-Office-Or-Function noted,
“With this success, they can in theory deliver a weapon with a range sufficient to reach other nearby bodies of water. No regional lake, pond, or ocean is safe from their sinister explorations. How soon before American lakes, creeks, and bays are threatened? I am here to speak for those bodies of water that cannot speak for themselves.”
Paek Chang Ho, head of the satellite control center at the Korean Committee for Space Technology, quickly took umbrage:
”We don’t really care about the opinions from the outside. Yet, take heed. Despite today’s memorable success we have no near-term plans to explore any waters nearby the United States. In fact, please note Mr. Ambassador, we too dislike the French. We detest mimes. We agree with you that Sarkozy’s a maniacal putz. Take note, French people, we have maps. We know the location of each French lake and pond. We could easily put an exploration rocket into any of them. The French, not yet the Americans, have much to fear from us.“
The American Abassador-Without-Office-Or-Function, mere moments before piqued with Mr. Ho, enthusiastically applauded his implicit promise to explore French waters first. He praised this diplomatic outreach as the first real foreign policy “meeting of the minds” between the two nations “since the armistice still delaying the continuation of the Korean War.” “This French deal, however,”” he said, “is something we can work on together.”
More North Korean underwater exploration rocket launches are scheduled as soon as the space agency finds a bigger field nearer to France. Talks were reportedly underway with the German Foreign Minister’s office. In their joint communique the initial talks this morning were described as “titillating and useful.”
More as this story develops.
