In Bid For Women Voters Romney/Ryan Campaign Will Emphasize Candidates’ “Excellent Hair”
Hoping to capitalize on the often ignored and always underestimated hair voters, the Romney/Ryan campaign will unleash a series of ads highlighting the issue of hair superiority. “The President is vulnerable on this subject,” a Romney spokesperson informed us,
“and now, with Paul Ryan on the ticket, we will underscore our winning approach to hair styling and growth.”
The Obama camp is calling in its emergency stylists from the State Department where they
have been assigned full-time to Secretary Clinton, with little success.
“The President will, for the foreseeable future wear Scotish Tartan headwear to all public events in an effort to divert attention away from his hair and back to issues where he has decided advantages, like foreign policy, health care, and the like. We will not permit this presidential race to be decided upon the strength and appearance of a candidate’s hair.”
Undaunted, the Romney camp is going ahead at full throttle.
“At long last we’ve found an area where focus groups give us passing grades, so we’re dropping everything else and concentrating all our forces on emphasizing the fullness and luxuriousness of our candidates’ coiffures.”
Finally, we have learned, they will also highlight Mr. Ryan’s “dreamy, easily trusted, blue eyes” in a barrage of ads and billboards from coast to coast.
A campaign spokesperson confessed,
“We’ve heard that the ladies swoon for blue eyes and chiseled abs. We’re going to use what we have. We are committed to womens’ issues.”
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