From Missouri Congressman Todd Akin’s “Learning Guide For Ladies,” Lesson 12, Policing The “Guys”

We owe a great deal to Missouri’s Todd Akin. He not only keeps up with the latest scientific developments, he contributes mightily to them. After all, he’s on the House Committee on Science,Space & Technology! You don’t get on that committee without mental credentials.

What is less well known about the Congressman is his equally solid knowledge base in human reproductive anatomy and physiology. Specializing in the field of female reproduction, Akin has an impressive following in the southern states. Last Sunday on a FOX News program called (appropriately enough) The Jaco Report, he informed his listeners of some recent findings that he and a group of (still anonymous) doctors had uncovered:

Female physiology has a nearly foolproof ability to reject spermatozoa that is injected via “legitimate rape.”

In addition to this scientific discovery, Akin is being much and eagerly discussed by the legal community for his equally bold discovery of a category of rape – legitimate rape – a heretofore utterly as unthinkable and unspeakable concept, last heard in the 14th century. Yet, last Sunday, Congressman Akin boldly left unspeakable and unthinkable in the dust and, as a result of massive free publicity, he now has a choice to make, and soon.

Shall he remain on the stump against incumbent Senator Claire McCaskill?

Or shall he rededicate his life to human reproductive biology research?

A hushed world awaits . . .

Congressman Todd Akin’s Learning Guide For Ladies,
Chapter 12
We at They Will Say ANYTHING! have the great good fortune of having close contacts within Congress. We accomplish this by employing the “Romney Gambit,” which permits us to take positions on every conceivable side of any conceivable present or future issue or subject matter. Thus, we have access to all 485 Congresspersons and all 100 Senators. We used that access to retrieve the following instructional material that Congressman Akin provides free of charge to his constituents. As you’ll see it is an effective embodiment of the Congressman’s thinking on the subject, the subject of his expertise:

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