For Downhearted GOP Trillionaire Donors Everywhere: Clues Lurking In Romney/Ryan Campaign Marketing Staff

Friday, August 24, 2012. Reporting from one of the D.C. offices of “We Are Few,” an interest group representing approximately seventeen “Americans with Trillions.” 2000 through 2233 K St., N.W., Washington, D.C. 20540.

At 10:30 this morning, it was an extravagant 110,000 square foot office I stood in patiently awaiting an appointment with the anonymous “Executive Director ofWe Are Few Spokespersons.” Thirty yards ahead was a buffalo, to my left was a brace of Maserati, engines humming. Henchman, whom I had grown to trust, everywhere. And just inside the door, squinting hard in order to view the three story tall window at the opposite side of the room, was I.

Hours had passed since I was swept away by bald headed We Are Few henchpersons at the point of a hundred dollar bill, roused from my sleep on a sunny but lobbyist infested K Street sidewalk just a few feet from the kiosk that represents this publication’s corporate HQ. During the quick walk across “the K” to We Are Few‘s office complex – as I furiously typed and walked, typed and walked – I learned from a henchperson why the city-sized office where I would be soon deposited would emanate depression, catatonia, and paranoia at clinical levels. And I know of these criteria.

“So Few Of The Many Seem To Care . . .”
After repeated missteps, easily debunked campaign ad humbug, and regrettable instances of accidental truth-telling haphazardly emanating from the Romney/Ryan campaign marketing division, donors from this trillionaires’ interest group have recently had second thoughts about how competent their candidate’s campaign staff really is. Depression ensued, of course, after the Paul Ryan selection which only heightened negative attention to the goals and interests of We Are Few (see logo at right, click for clearer image).

My late morning tete-a-tete with the Executive Director of all 3,433 We Are Few official spokespersons revealed the depth of concern, both practical and philosophical, of the organization’s membership, now at eleven persons, or “Trills.” She queried me, perhaps rhetorically (I had no idea),

Anonymous trailed off, her left eye glazed. I weep easily and sobbed. Moments later, after concocting a spiffy verbal contract on the spot, I offered the help that, deep in my wallet, I sensed they needed, and soon.

Well . . . We Care
So, it came to pass, that to assist these underrepresented – I believe, lonely – trillionaire citizens, and, furthermore, to attract their attention and cash to ourselves, once back at our K Street HQ we jury-rigged the Romney/Ryan organization chart below, after minutes of thought. Or perhaps it was jerry-rigged (I do not know).
Romney/Ryan campaign Marketing Staff & Department Matrix
Prepared for We Are Few by They Will Say ANYTHING! research staff 
We hope this helps Republican-leaning trillionaires who want nothing more than fair value for their contributions to democracy. The chart will provide them the tools they need to carefully interfere with the R&R campaign staff.

We ask that We Are Few henchmen contact us for more information we possess which we forgetfully and purposely withheld. And do this soon. The GOP Convention is upon us. The election is just around the corner. We Are Few needs all the vital information we held back in possible contravention of what, after all, was only a verbal contract. Moreover, we need a cash infusion in order to pay for our Internet connection through November 6, 2012.

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