Dick Cheney Reveals Plans & Drawings For His Own “Presidential Library & Howitzer Munitions Factory”

Available in silver and lead. (Click image for larger version.)

Michael Matthew Bloomer, April 30, 2013, reporting for They WIll Say ANYTHING! from the grounds of the George W. Bush Presidential Library & Museum, Arlington, Texas, on April 26, 2013. News embargoed at request of Cheney Presidential Library Commission munitions experts until April 30, 2013, 10:00 pm (EDT)

Immediately following last Friday’s George W. Bush Presidential Library & Museum dedication, former Vice President Dick Cheney, never a wallflower, was upset. After a few hours underneath his cowboy hat in the front row at the Bush Library ceremonies he hadn’t felt much love. Consequently, and despite the mild Arlington Texas day, Mr. Cheney was hot. Summertime hot. Wyoming sheriff steamed. Where was the love?In November 2010, in poor health, he’d headlined at the Bush Library’s groundbreaking, lauding the second President Bush under whom he’d served:

“When times have been tough and the critics have been loud, you’ve always said you had faith in history’s judgment. And history is beginning to come around.

History, indeed, seems to have its ways. On this, purportedly, Winston Churchill observed: “History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.” And Dick Cheney plans to have his way with history, because he intends to substantially re-write it, quite substantially.

How substantially? Immediately following the George W. Bush Library & Museum dedication, Mr. Cheney walked (he rode, we walked, actually) a group of reporters (of which I was one) about a quarter-mile south of the Bush Library entrance. There we discovered a raised platform upon which Mr. Cheney was now seated. He barked (literally) for us to move closer. None among us hesitated. Once within range, he turned to one of his dozen assistants, briskly slapped him on the back of his head, shoving him forward with a soundless sneer. Then a snarl, then what I swear was a high-pitched cackle.

The clearly frightened nameless assistant then informed us Mr. Cheney would speak as soon as his interpreter arrived, which skilled interpreter did at a trot a moment later.  Cheney’s guttural announcement then ensued. Were it not for the deft translator, Mr. Cheney’s familiar “rahhckk”s and “Ghaacks”s, we would never have understood that he had – astonishingly! – announced the opening of his own library, The Richard B. Cheney Presidential Library, and on this very site within a single football field length of Dubya’s own.

If you are wondering, and surely you are, whether any reporter among us asked the obvious question, well, not one of us did. Mr. Cheney, despite his age and ill-health, can still sneer and growl with the best of them. In the crowd of journalists (which included me) were war reporters, catastrophe news-hounds, and one doughty correspondent who’d asked Donald Trump if birds ever nested in his hair. Not one of these hard tested journalists asked Mr. Cheney whether he recalled that he was not a former President of the United States, and consequently somewhat, perhaps irretrievably, low on the list for presidential libraries. I was certainly not going to ask; I’m afraid to ask for exact change.

Thus it passed that we reporters, pledged to report the news accurately and truthfully, hung our heads so as to not catch either of Vice President Cheney’s eyes, and submitted impotently to a 30-minute presentation highlighting Former Vice President Dick Cheney’s plans for his showcase. Like all great “imagineers” since Walt Disney slid his shovel into a piece of 160 acres near Anaheim California, Vice President Cheney has vision, Boy Howdy, what vision.

Plans include

• “Zero cost” construction teams composed of volunteers, referrals from state and federal penitentiaries, adult and child day care centers, and the Florida Department of Unemployment Assistance;
• Historians on Drugs (HOD), a group of unemployed historians pledged to Former Vice President Cheney by U.S. Bankruptcy Courts, will revise Cheney Presidential Library history exhibits to present a narrative of the Cheney-Bush 1/Bush 2  years that presents “more believable lies,” according to HOD President Amy Cheney, a 4th cousin three times removed (forcefully) of former Vice President Cheney;
• Americans for Guns At Libraries, another group supporting Former Vice President Cheney’s library – particularly the on site Cheney Hunting Reserve – has agreed to provide firearms of all kinds for visitors to the reserve, including incendiaries designed to frighten rabbits into the open for cleaner and clearer axe throws and shotgun shots; and
• The American Fireworks Association and the on site Cheney Library Howitzer Munitions Factory will join forces to provide munitions expertise and fireworks personnel for the Cheney Library’s hourly fireworks displays which will emanate from the Fertilizer Production Plant parking lot.

We will bring you more exciting Cheney Library developments in this space as the months progress. For now, two architectural site maps produced by the primary library project design and construction firm, Cheney Design, LLC, are, with their permission, set out directly below:

The President Richard B. Cheney Presidential Library,
Howitzer Munitions Factory, Hunting Reserve
& Cheney Family Foundation Fertilizer Production Plant

Image 1 of 2
SOURCE: Cheney Design, LLC

(Click the image for a larger and clearer version in a new window/tab.
 Once there click the image once more for the largest version.)

Dick Cheney Presidential Library – Site Plan No. 1 of 2

Image 2 of 2
SOURCE: Cheney Design, LLC 

(Click the image for a larger and clearer version in a new window/tab.
Once there click the image once more for the largest version.)

Dick Cheney Presidential Library, Site Map 2 of 2, Exhibits Map

Please follow and like us: