Where Are They Now? Holiday Edition. Mitt Romney, The Interview : Back In Business & Just In Time For The Holidays. Here’s His New Line Of Toys For “Future Republicans”!

by Michael Matheron · Published December 22, 2012 · Updated December 22, 2012

[Reader’s note: All underlined in-text hyperlinks in this post are not links I have attached to the post. They are malware infesting the internet. Don’t click them. They are spam. I’m trying to learn how to remove this problem from my site, but until then, please note that all my legitimate links are not underlined and they appear in the footnotes only, listed at the bottom of the post. I’m working on a fix to these sneaky hyperlinks. Thanks! Mike]

Where Are They Now? Mitt Romney, The Interview :
Back In Business & Just In Time For The Holidays.
Here’s His New Line Of Toys For “Future Republicans”!

By Michael Matthew Bloomer, Friday, Dec. 21, 2012.

“The reports of my boredom
have been greatly exaggerated.” ¹

So said former Presidential candidate Mitt Romney as he greeted this reporter in his LaJolla, California home this morning. We retreated quickly to the large sitting room and its gorgeous view of the Pacific. Once seated he wasted no time getting down to business.

First, his ground rules:

“I’ll answer no questions about the campaign, or governmental policy of any kind, or my income taxes, or COSTCO, or my car elevator, or my future political plans, which, by the way, I have none.”

Your reporter thought, “Pretty fair, still leaves me lots of room to ask about when he strapped his dog Seamus to the roof of his car . . .”

Too soon. “Oh yes, and if you ask me a single question about Seamus, with God as my witness, I shall have you toosed through that window right there.” Gracefully, he pointed to the exavt window, second from the left, overlooking his alligator pond.

Off my game a bit, I asked, “Well, then, sir, how about those Red Sox?”

“I don’t follow baseball. I own shares in baseball clubs.”

I pressed on with the only question I could think of, “Sir, can you list the things, or the thing, that I may inquire about?”

“Yes! You may ask me about toys! Toys, toys, and toys.” He leaped up, excited, red-faced, panting like Seamus might have were he alive. Momentarily, I thought he might reach out to put his hands around my throat. But, no, he instead moved to a cabinet nearby, retrieved a square posterboard, returned, sat down, and held it out for me to see:

“So, I thought, Mitt Romney’s gone mad.” Undaunted, I said,

“Yes, yes, sir, that’s quite a nice piece of posterboard you’ve got there. Did you make it yourself, sir, now that you have time on your hands?”

“No, I did not. I have people who make posterboards for me. In any event, here’s what we may talk about today: I am back in business! You may recall that in 2005 Bain bitch-priced Toys R Us with Kohlberg Kravis Roberts, and Vornado Realty Trust. We got a sweet piece of it too for a song, fired a bunch of folks, and loaded it up with six billion in debt from which we took fees which each of us partners disguised as capital gains to so I pay only 15% and avoid being taxed at 35%. . . which, by the way, is perfectly legal and good for the country as a whole, and . . . “

He was visibly manic, searching for words. After a few deep breaths, he calmed enough to continue, now sweat drenched:

“O.K., O.K.,O.K., anyway, the day after the election I was installed as the Marketing President of Toys R Us, and we have just rolled out my first concept, the RomneyFun series of toys and games for the younger Republicans within our demgraphic. I decided that many children do not get exposed to political figures until relatively late in life, around ten years of age. Their political views have alreadybeen formed by the liberal media. So to address that inequity, we now offer RomneyFun products aimed at the newly born to nine year old, and just in time for Christmas buying!”

As he spoke, with such conviction and clarity, never flip flopping, I thought, “He’s really on to something here! The man’s not unstrung at all, he’s unburdened, thinking anew. Good thoughts. Sensible thoughts.”

“So, Mike, I’m going to leave you now. Please feel free to view, write about, and photograph the entire RomneyFun series. Just enter the room there,” he pointed, “that door to the left of the window overlooking the alligator pond. Inside, you’ll find the entire new product line. Take care! I’m off to COSTCO with Ann! I love their three-packs of dress shirts. Kirkland! That’s the brand for me.”

He started to mve toward the door, stopped on a dime, whirled toward me, and with hands outstretched, palms skyward, and with a bittersweet tinge of venom in his voice, he said, “I’m Mitt Romney. I ran for President. I lost.” Then, off he went, into the future, President of Marketing at Toys R Us. Fully recovered. A Mitt in full.

Alone now, I turned and walked the ten steps to the door he’d indicated. Once inside, on a massive mahogany table, were a series of boxes of various sizes. Colorful boxes. The RomneyFun series. I spent several hours with the display, opened each and played like a seven year old.

I like them all, how about you?

(If any image below is blurred, just click on it for a better version.)

1. Hasbro’s creative department quickly chimed in after Mitt issued his challenge !

2. Courtest of Japanese toy company Nikko:

3. By the French company Kapla. Here’s there entry!

4. K’NEX Brands, owner of the Lincoln Log franchise, found a new way to position a product that,allows children to imagineer any Mr. Romney in any structure they like!