Texas Jury Convicts “Dancing With The Stars” Celebrity Thomas Delay For Money Laundering & Conspiracy. Dance World Stunned.

Cheryl, darlin., do you have Lady Gaga’s cell number?

Today, an Austin, Texas jury found Thomas Delay, a veteran Dancing With The Stars competitive dancer admired for his forceful and ingenious moves, guilty of money laundering and conspiracy to commit money laundering. The Texas jury took 19 hours to return its verdict on charges that may lead to a substantial prison term for the man best known for his smooth rhythm and confident hip slides.  In all likelihood, the guilty verdicts will force Mr. Delay to dance to a different tune, so to speak, one with a slow, monotonous rhythm measuring his day-to-day existence in a small ten foot by six foot cell. Delay’s future dance partners, if any, will surely be far hairier, sweatier, and beefier than Mr. Delay’s DWTS partner, the lovely two-time DWTS champion, 26 year old Cheryl Bautista Burke.

Mr. Delay’s set-back today follows somewhat closely upon his untimely departure from 2009’s edition of Dancing With The Stars after he developed a pre-stress fracture in both feet during rehearsal.  While Ms. Burke wished him well and enjoyed her brief tenure as his dance partner, other contestants expressed less sympathetic emotions at Delay’s departure from the show.  Each DWTS contender we spoke with wished to remain unidentified due to concerns for their careers or, in many cases, their lives.  They all, however, revealed that Delay’s heavy-handed tactics extended to intimidation by various means.  Secretly adding strong laxatives to hot chocolate provided for contestants at rehearsal was but one of the strategies he allegedly deployed.  In addition, Delay apparently threatened to “impeach” any judge who failed to follow the strict letter of both the DWTS By-Laws and the United States Constitution.

Here’s but one of his iconic performances, demonstrating his wild thing stylings:

In any event, one must mourn this recent turn in Delay’s life. To fall, within one year, from the top of the DWTS world to the hurly burly abyss of criminal conviction has stunned the world of dance.  One of Mr. Delay’s early instructors had this to say:

“It’s a shame.  A tragedy, really. Rarely in the world of dance does one see such footwork, such intuitive hips, such graceful dominance, such artful spins and dips. More remarkable still, all those attributes come wrapped in a competitive spirit so strong that Thomas would gleefully Texas 2-Step on his dear Mother’s head if it would buy him but a single additional style point.”

Until his sentencing, we can only wait, and, of course, pray, that Mr. Delay will – pardon the pun –  dance away with simple probation.  If he is to serve time, however, we can hope that even while there, in a Huntsville Penitentiary cell block, or at a lonely yet historic cotton belt prison farm, Thomas “Wild Thing” Delay will heed country singer Lee Ann Womack’s words: “when you get the chance to sit it out, I hope you’ll dance . . . ” 

We here at TWSA, all of us, hope you’ll D.A.N.C.E. . [click this –> ]  Dance, Thomas, for us all . . .