Sneak Preview: Romney, Gingrich, Santorum, and Paul To Soon Release “Safety Net,” Their First Hip Hop CD
On February 2, 2012, Mitt Romney told CNN, “I’m not concerned about the very poor; we have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it.” The new catch phrase caught the eye of the Republican National Committee (RNC). They quickly talked to Mitt, Newt, Rick, and Ron, the four remaining GOP primary contenders. From that brief get together, the group “Primary GOPhers” and their first CD “Safety Net” was born! It’s a new groove the RNC calls Hip Hip Hop. Click on “Read More” for more about this, and a video sneak peek at the “Safety Net” CD cover and a little taste of Primary GOPhers Hip Hip Hop . . .
Exclusive Report, February 6, 2012: Today, we here at TWSA! learned in an exclusive interview with spokespersons from the Republican National Committee (RNC), that the four most unlikely hip hoppers on the planet were ready to release their first CD, Safety Net. In the surprise move of this GOP primary season of declining expectations, the four remaining presidential nomination contestants, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Ron Paul, formed what Governor Romney phrased “a rockin’ hippy hoppy alliance.”
The new “fab four,” after consulting with hip hop consultants, named what they call their “combo” Primary Gophers. RNC spokespersons told us today here at TWSA! headquarters that the combo was
“our party’s attempt to appeal to the younger crowd, the hippies, the occupiers, the beatniks, the blacks, the illegals, all of those folks who either don’t vote at all because they’re stoned or in hiding, or vote for the Democrat party. The popularity of Governor Romney’s “safety net” catch phrase for GOP social welfare policy got us thinking about how we might take advantage of it. We’re betting that Primary GOPhers and Safety Net will do just that, and generate excitement, campaign funds, GOP dance parties, and votes!”
To be sure, it’s indeed a strange alliance, and an even stranger project to unite behind, especially for these often bitter GOP primary rivals. On the campaign trail, however, Romney was heard warming up his vocal chords during his Florida rendition of America the Beautiful. That’s altogether appropriate, we were told, he is Primary GOPhers’ lead singer, although Newt Gingrich is “grousing about the selection,” according to the RNC spokespersons we spoke with who declined to be identified due to concerns for their lives.
Apparently, though, in somewhat of a surprise for the straight-laced former Pennsylvania senator, Rick Santorum was quite happy to join the effort. According to an insider, he’s hoping that his Primary GOPhers association will gradually climb higher in Google searches for “Santorum.”
Ron Paul, the only GOPhers member to issue a statement, revealed some reluctance:
“This idea is silly. I’ll not contribute anything to it other than a few background vocals. I can whistle too. The entire enterprise is a waste of money, and that ought to be left to the private sector.”
The CD release date (also to be downloadable) has not been finalized, and in a move that surprised and gratified us, even though we at TWSA! stand pugistically against every GOP policy we can think of:
Numerous issues need to be resolved, however, before the CD is sold here. For example, thus far, no union workers have agreed to work on the manufacture, distribution, sale, or marketing of the Safety Net CD, rejecting Newt Gingrich’s threat to use “public school pupils from the poorest neighborhoods” instead. In the actual recording of Safety Net, unionized workers, like musicians, audio technicians, etc. also refused to contribute.
The RNC, however, has “a large stable of performers at its behest,” Reince Priebus, RNC Chairman, told us by phone today. He continued:
“Ted Nugent, Hank Williams, and Fiddy, stood up for America and provided coaching, musicianship, technicals, and background vocals. Even Kelsey Grammer joined in, singing his very best basso profundo. So, despite the interference of union thugs, we got the CD done, and only needed a few public school 4th graders to light musicians’ cigarettes, clean up chemical spills, and fetch cocaine. Newt was right, poverty stricken 4th graders’ll do anything for 35 cents and hour!”
Although a “date certain” for public sale of Safety Net is uncertain, the RNC released the album cover in this snazzy new TouTube video:
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