Just In: Donald Trump Releases New Birth Certificate Evidence That President Obama Is “Something Other”

Special Report. Reporting from Trump International Las Vegas, 10:45 a.m. (EDST). For immediate release. After completing my exclusive report on the outrageous jury behavior at the John Edwards trial, I received a call from Donald Trump (!) while en route to They Will Say ANYTHING! headquarters in the Washington D.C. area. “Mike,” he said, “I just read your fabulous article about the Edwards trial. Marvelous. Really. Why isn’t there more real journalism?” I nodded my agreement.

“Look, here’s why I’m calling: I just got something so incredible. It’s going to be world news. It’s verified, so don’t worry. My own people, experts, vetted it. It’s incredible. Obama’s birth certificate stuff, but huge. Much bigger. I’m a man whose mind is prepared for shocks, and I know how to deal with them. Everyone knows that about me, even that dumb fat ass no talent Rosie O’Donnell, but this, what I’m going to send you, this even blows my mind! Look, I’ve gotta tape a public service announcement for strippers. Gotta go. So I’m just gonna send this picture to you, this image, over the phone. This is gonna make you and your marvelous publication. It’s huge, incredible. Wait’ll you see this. The president, he’s something other. Gotta go, look for the picture on your phone. Source this story to me, that’s the deal.”

Click. Wow. This was big. Mr. Donald Trump called me. My hands shook.

My phone beeped. It was the picture Mr. Trump promised. He was right, this is big. It’s beyond “big,” words fail me. I think you’ll agree that it needs investigation. I’ll pursue it. But will the big time media pursue this? What do you think?

Here’s an image of a certain birth record, dated August 4, 1961, a certain “Barack Hussein Obama II.” Again, what do you think?

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