Bizarre State Laws : Former City Vice-Mayor Accused By Dozens Of Tennessee Women Of DWDB (Driving While Displaying A Bratwurst)
Michael Matthew Bloomer, April 12, 2013
“Try it with mustard!”
From TWSA!‘s Loopy State Laws file:On February 20, Kingsport Tennessee Police arrested William Blakely, a former Mount Carmel Vice-Mayor (and apparently a well-trained contortionist) on charges of reckless driving, indecent and reckless endangerment, and criminal attempt to commit aggravated assault. All this for allegedly holding a bratwurst out of his car window while driving in excess of 85 mph. (See artist’s conception at right.) Although a TWSA! legal staff investigation found neither Tennessee state nor local laws prohibiting bratwurst display while driving, nonetheless, since Blakely s February 20 arrest, 26 other women have accused him of the same bratwurst-related behavior, as we have noted, ostensibly a Tennessee crime.
Accusers contend that Mr. Blakely first pulled his automobile astride theirs. As described in a police report, all accusers claimed a nearly identical pattern then ensued:
“In most complaints [defendant Blakely] would drive very quickly upon the female driver and start honking his horn. They advised he would then start blowing kisses, waving his arms, point at himself, shrug his shoulders, and try to get them to pull up their shirt. The victims stated that he would drive back and forth from lane to lane and get very close to their vehicle making them fear that he might hit them or cause a wreck.”
All victims assert that once the former Vice-Mayor had their attention he immediately and indelicately confronted them with a bratwurst at speeds never before attempted on Interstate 26 in the vicinity of Johnson City and Kingsport (insofar as TWSA! investigators have thus far learned from their own tests).
And, purportedly, that was simply the beginning of Blakely’s obvious passion for sharing his hyperbolic enthusiasm for bratwurst. During an April 11 preliminar hearing, Blakely’s February 20 accuser recalled:
“At over 90 miles per hour, he put [the bratwurst] out the window.”
All, it need be noted, while polishing it briskly.
Consider that if and when when one envisions this, polishing a bratwurst requires both hands, one to hold, one to polish. So, one concludes, quo vadis steering wheel? According to TWSA! research staff who we keep on the payroll specifically for these purposes, Mr. Blakely would by necessity have had to manipulate the steering wheel with his buttocks to accomplish this admittedly formidable, yet possibly illegal, feat.
At the preliminary hearing, and flourishing bravura understatement to match Mr. Blakely’s own masterful sensationalism, his most recent accuser added:
“and that’s when it got really, really bad.”
Indeed.
The judge handed off the DWDB case to the county grand jury for a June 14 hearing. We will, of course, follow this story to its climax, and have deployed TWSA! reporters and investigators to the scene. Stay tuned.
(See links below picture for additional reporting)
“Hey guys! Later on, let’s all go for a drive!”
For more about this see:
April 11 coverage of the preliinary hearing plus a video report
