Team Michele Bachmann Needs A Bullpen Upgrade
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Team Bachmann has lost its New Hampshire staff. This was confirmed with the following denial by team owner Michele Bachmann herself during an interview with Radio Iowa:
“That is a shocking story to me,
I don’t know where that came from. We have called staff in New Hampshire to find out where that came from and the staff have said that isn’t true, so I don’t know if this is just a bad story that’s being fed by a different candidate or campaign. I have no idea where this came from, but we’ve made calls and it’s certainly not true.
This is what’s really wrong with politics, it’s highly irresponsible media to spread stories and print stories that aren’t verified and aren’t true and I think this is wrong.”
Confirming the mass departure, new team manager, Keith Nahigian, said in a statement:
“We have a great team in New Hampshire and we have not been notified that anyone is leaving the campaign.”
Among the now confirmed team members departing were Nicole Yurek, Tom Lukacz, director of operations Matt LeDuc, and Jeff Chidester, a longtime friend and conservative talk-radio host, as first reported by ABC affiliate WMUR. Galling to owner Bachmann was news that Southern New Hampshire Field Director Caroline Gigler signed a one-year contract with arch rival Team Perry of Texas. “Now we can get really ugly like on a ape,” snickered Team Perry owner, Rick Perry.
In addition to a failure to pay staff salaries, and odd statements by Mrs.Bachmann, some departing staffers told the media that they were leaving because they were unconvinced that Team Bachmann was making a serious play to win their important series against their rivals in New Hampshire on an as yet unconfirmed date late this year or in January 2012.
A good start soiled or foiled? Can the team be saved from furthering its losing streak?
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| “They also serve who only [sit] and wait.” Apologies to John Milton, |
This is yet another defection among many defections from the troubled Team Bachmann since the start of the 2011-2012 season. After starting with a close and stunning win over Team Paul on its Iowa road trip, the team has suffered from batting slumps, poor pitching, and internal struggles, losing club manager Ed Rollins to possible stress-related illness in September. Closely thereafter, lost from the top echelons of the front office, were its top marketer, Ed Goeas, and its assistant manager David Polyansky. Goeas indicated he left because the team planned to focus primarily on winning the next Iowa series, rather than concentrating on the season as a whole. Also this month, top utility player Andy Parrish and team p.r. chief Doug Sachtleben have moved on, Sachtlebon to a minor league team in another sport.
It seems that Bachmann has an inability to control her team top brass and on-field crew. Like Team George Steinbrenner, she meddles too often. Like Team Obama she doesn’t meddle quite enough at times. This is especially true in her handling of the all important pitching squad. Often unorganized, pitchers seem to forget how and whether to throw a fastball on the outside corner or a change-up down low. Many have scored against the team on wild pitches and passed balls.
One can’t blame the catchers here. The blame goes higher up. With overconfidence following the initial Iowa victory Bachmann, in an effort to save money, severely cut her bullpen staff, including catchers, coaches, and middle inning relievers. She hoped to use the savings later in the year to acquire players in trade from Team Cain, Team Gingrich, and, in addition, to purchase Team Huntsman outright.
Perhaps it’s time to reconstitute her bullpen. Recall what Bob Lemon once said, “The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen.” Get back in the game Mrs. Bachmann. Beef up that bullpen. If the past is prologue, you’re gonna need it well stocked.
