Queen E. to Michelle O.: “You Had Me At ‘Your Majesty'”
Just three days after the worldwide controversy created when Michelle Obama put her arm around the Queen of England, Buckingham Palace reports that the diminutive Queen and the imposing Michelle Obama are dating. “It’s a time for them to get to know each other better,” announced the Queen’s spokespeon, “attend a movie, share an intimate twelve course lunch, or have a sleepover with their mutual friends, both royal and common.”
Those witnessing the initial meeting of the Queen and the First Lady noted a certain gleam in the monarch’s eyes as she quickly embraced Mrs. Obama whilst merely shrugging off the President with a quick handshake. Far from the press accounts characterizing Mrs. Obama’s embrace of the Queen as an impulsive breach of royal etiquette, observers today recalled hearing the Queen say “Hold me, touch me” as she shook hands with the First Lady. “It was an immediate, almost animal attraction,” reports the Queen’s Secretary, Lady Honoria Wooster-Glossup, “and getting the Queen to settle down at bedtime that evening was quite a sticky wicket.”
The Queen’s announcement that she and Mrs. Obama were “presently exploring a mutual attraction through the process known as dating” was met by consternation at the Obama camp, in London for the G20 summit. The First Lady, speaking through her closed London hotel door, asserted “No way, nada, never gonna happen.” Mrs. Obama continued, “Now, she’s a nice person, don’t misunderstand, but even were I to entertain for a moment an extramarital aff
air with anyone, first, it’d likely be Sean Connery, a Scot, and secondly, it’d be on the sly, not announced to the world in general!”
The President, for his part, “completely supports Michelle’s decision on this matter, and I hope that the Queen will understand that my own feelings for her are quite positive and strong, and growing stronger and stronger each day. In fact, for a short pudgy old monarch, she’s pretty cute.” Prince Philip, the Queen’s spouse, responded that he’d be “pleased and permissive were a dating relationship to ensue between the Queen and Mrs. Obama or the President or among all three.” The Prince then reported that he’d long had his eyes on “that Governor of Alaska who says ‘You betcha’,” (Sarah Palin) and “were the Queen, whom I love dearly, to take up with either the First Lady, the President, or both, I believe that royal precedent exists for me to present my credentials, so to speak, in Juneau, Alaska.”
The Queen, according to Prince Philip, continues to hold out hope that Mrs. Obama will change her mind. “She’s busy arranging a fabulous pajama party. Invitations have been sent and popcorn chosen. She anxiously awaits the First Lady’s reply.”
What better way to demonstrate that with Spring on the way, love is in the air? Despite the differing opinions on whether an actual relationship yet exists between and/or among the parties, it warms your reporter’s heart to see that love, so absent from the scene today, may yet arise like a phoenix from its own ashes. Your scrivener says, “May the Queen, the First Lady, the President, Prince Philip, and Governor Palin reign in mutual affection, in whatever combination that may in the fullness of time ensue.”
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