Last Minute Shopping Guide To The Best Holiday Pepper Spray Stocking Stuffers!

I know, I know.  Pepper spray as a holiday gift is just plain shameful. But, heck, I found out last month after the Walmart dust up that p.s. is legal!  So, how’s it any different than giving Gramma a pair of earrings?  What better to fight off a bunch of rampaging third graders with earrings? I say no.  She’ll be the best competitive shopper in town!  So now that we’ve settled the “appropriateness” argument, here’s my somewhat thoroughly researched guide to the best hot pepper sprays that you can buy for Gramma! 

Well, since you may own pepper spray, then you must own pepper spray. Correct? I checked it all out for you too. There were 100,000+ results when I searched “pepper spray,” using Google’s “Shopping” option. Among my results I found these interesting items and accessories. Add them to your own Christmas list! Also, they make excellent gifts for people who you are absolutely certain do not hate your guts.

Below, you’ll find a handy review of many pepper spray products. Most importantly, we here at They Will Say ANYTHING!  (i.e. me and my next door neighbor) have provided our own (my) product review, using as a rating icon Lt. John Pike’s pic, taken as he peppered UC Davis protesters who were causing a dangerous ruckus by quietly sitting on the ground. Ratings run from one to five Lt. Pikes, from “lousy” to “must have.”

Warning: Do not buy any of these otherwise fine products for an in-law.

Product	Pic	Our Judgment (4 Lt. John Pike’s is our highest rating.)
PS Products Pepper Spray. 75oz Lipstick Display 6 Pieces Assorted LSP ($26) They cheerfully describe it: “This attractive lipstick case is sure to deceive and ward off potential attackers. Pretend you need to freshen your lipstick and POW! This .75 oz. canister contains 20 half-second sprays with range of 10 feet.”		It’s on Michele Bachmann’s Christmas list!
Mace Security International 10% Pepper Key Guard 3 Gram Black. ($6) Here’s their description: “OC pepper is a naturally occurring substance derived from cayenne peppers. The Mace Keyguard is approximately 3in long, the compact design makes it convenient to carry, perfect for on the go.”		Remember: pepper spray is a “naturally occurring product,” so this should appeal to natural foods folks, transcendentalists, Unitarian Universalists, Buddhists, and “peaceniks.”
Mace 80344 Pen Defender, Silver ($10)  “The Mace Pen Defender is a working high quality ballpoint pen that you can carry in a shirt pocket or purse. The Pen Defender contains a powerful 10% Pepper formula that stops attacks.”		Convenient for white collar workplaces, especially  Goldman Sachs, or WalMart’s corporate HQ.
Mace Personal Defense Spray (Hot Pink) ($15.99) “Pink just got hotter with Hot Pink Mace Defense Spray! The 10% (1.4% capsaicinoids concentration) pepper spray formula is one of our hottest.”		This one is highly sexist, and should be avoided, despite its exceptional design and power.
UDAP Jogger Fogger Pepper Spray ($14.99)  “This pepper spray self-defense device fits comfortably in your hand with a stretch band to hold it in place while you run. It can also be worn on a belt and carried by mail carriers, delivery personnel, meter readers, bicyclists or anyone out for a stroll. It’s one of the most versatile self-defense units on the market.”		If I jogged, walked,  strolled, stood up,  or moved my legs in any way at all, this is the one I’d want!
Street Wise Large Canister Pepper Spray with Pistol Grip ($44.99)  “This Street Wise Large Canister Pepper Spray is also available for civilian use. This pepper spray can be placed behind the counter of a retail store to deter robbery, near the front door of a home to thwart home invasions or for use on multiple attackers.”		If you’re like me, you too must fight through angry mobs of neighbors whenever you leave your house, the Street Wise Canister is pricey, but sure beats spraying attackers with water from a garden hose.
Fox Labs 4 oz Flip Top Pepper Spray-Stream 42FTS ($18) “These are the hottest sprays in the world! Spray patterns for this unit is stream. Striking appearance with wide-mouth activator flip top to prevent accidental discharge. We are talking serious, effective less-lethal stopping power!”		You might not even need to shoot this one. Just seeing the name “FOX” would make me skedaddle!
Mace Hot Walkers – 1 Pound Pepper Spray Weights 80345 ($12) “HOT WALKERS are 1 pound walking weights with built-in 10% Pepper Spray for self-defense. Elastic Hand Straps for support. Storage compartment for keys and money. Foam-covered hand grips for comfort. Cleans with soap and water. FREE replaceable pepper spray canister.”		I wanted to test these, but I lacked the arm strength to lift them.  But if  you’re “buff,”   with superior biceps these might be for you!
Hello Kitty Pepper Spray – Stylish, Designer “Hello Kitty” Pepper Spray “Gold” ($15.99) “Designer Stylish Keyring Case Add Flash and Glamour with Protection. HOT Pepper, derived from 6 million SHU. The New Trend in Personalizing Self Defense. 4 Colors to Choose From- Pink, Blue, Gold or Red.”		I am hysterically frightened by “Hello Kitty,” so, for me, this one’s a non-starter despite its excellent stopping power and  an intriguing color selection. Perhaps there’s a fourth grader on your Holiday list . . ?
Peppershot PS-4 1/2 oz w/ Auto Visor Clip ($4) “Pepper Shot is a 10% pepper spray rated at 2 million scoville heat units and made with a very fine grain that is more effective than the coarser grains of most other pepper sprays. In addition to causing an attacker pain, Pepper Shot swells the mucous membranes, which makes breathing difficult, and swells the veins in the eyes, causing the eyes to close. These effects last 20-30 minutes and cause no permanent damage.”		I do not drive, but instead ride a mule for all my travel needs, so I have no auto visor. Also, this one openly admits its product causes no “permanent damage” – that troubles me, but if you’re a peaceniking, tree hugging, latte swilling, sprout eating, unemployed hippie driving a 1968 Volkswagon bus, this one’s for you.

The products above are hard to top, but the overall winner of this review is the phenomenal Kimber Guardian Angel Pepper Blaster II Pepper Spray Gel 10% OC Red! It’s ergonomic! It’s powerful! It’s got “enough energy to wrap around glasses or penetrate a face mask”! Who cares what it costs? Best of all, for our Christian readers,

This is the one Santa carries!!

Why not you?

Please follow and like us: