Dog On Man: Mitt Romney Handed A Stunning Triple Digit Defeat At Westminster Dog Show GOP Canine Caucus

As if he didn’t have enough problems Mitt Romney lost to Newt Gingrich in the Westminster Dog Show Republican Straw Poll last night.  The canine’s only GOP caucus convened immediately after the crowning of Malachy the Pekingese as best canine in show and rejected Mr. Romney, with indisputable finality.  He received no votes.

As stunning as Malachy’s win was, Romney’s loss was far more breathtaking, both stunning and satisfying to Republican canines who, before caucusing, had just finished competing in the world famous Westminster show, the 136th. Here’s the caucus results:

Newt Gingrich       66%   250 votes
Ron Paul                  22%      84    ”
Rick Santorum      12%     46    ”
Mitt Romney            0%       0    “

With Westminster Republican dogs of all breeds voting against Mr. Romney, it’s his first triple digit defeat in the campaign, thus far.  After two hours of alternately caucusing and sniffing rear ends, this GOP crowd voted unanimously when they put paw to ballot around 11:45 p.m. Tuesday.  Soon thereafter, the announcement of “zero for Romney” rang out in the expansive meeting room. Even the gleeful yelping of Dogs Against Romney protesters assembled outside could be heard within the hall.

Let there be no doubt, this indicates that this assemblage of highfalutin Westminster pooches of pooches have not forgiven the infamous 1983 summer family vacation wherein Mr. Romney caged Seamus, the family pooch, to the top of the car for the 12-hour trip. . .

Mitt tried to get out of the dog house of his own making. Speaking to the yapping and often growling crowd before the balloting, Romney tried again to assure all within sniffing distance that Seamus enjoyed the 1983 “experience,” and would have “loved riding on top of the campaign bus as much as our present family dog does.” It’s likely Mr. Romney regrets that last phrase;  upon hearing that,  many caucusers, particularly among the Santorum contingent, had to be restrained by their human assistants.

As the final vote made clear, his attempted excuses failed to garner him a single vote. Even among the most conservative GOP dog breeds, like the the Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, Romney was a popular as a cat in a punch bowl. Tea Partiers peed on the rug. And, among the small number of moderate Republican canines, well here’s their organizer and spokescanine, Chuck:

“Go ahead, I dares ya, say ‘Romney’ again!”

Mr. Romney left the gathering quickly and headed to Michigan for the next primary test. Can he win there? In a state known for dog ownership (over two million)? Westminster Dog Show Republicans from Michigan, and from the remaining primary states, feel their influence on the voting members of their families has had, and will continue to have, a major negative impact on Romney’s chances. Note that 65% of U.S. families enjoy the influence of a dog as a family member. Also note that Mr. Romney has rarely earned more primary or caucus votes than the percentage (approx. 25-35%) of non-dog families in each state thus far. Coincidence?

Mark their barks, these activist canines may be a “hidden weapon” for a non-Romney primary candidate. If so, the results at Westminster point to more success for a candidate named Gingrich, a dog lover and imitator. We’ll see.

UPDATE, February 15, 2012, 8:00 am (EST)

The results were devastating for Mitt Romney, yet President Obama should take heart. In another Westminster Dog Show Straw Poll, whose results were released early this a.m., Mr. Obama finished first by as many as 100% to 0% (against Romney) to 77% to 23% (against Gingrich).

The surprising result for Gingrich was explained by human family members of these Gingrich supporting pooches. Nearly all reported in a manner similar to one Scottish Terrier’s human assistant:

“McTavish seems to recognize Mr. Gingrich as one of his own whenever he appears on t.v. Every time, McT comes a runnin’ and tries to sniff the t.v. set. It’s surreal, but heartfelt. And just as cute as a cat in a punch bowl. Personally, I hate Gingrich, but McTavish?  Gingo’s as delicious as bacon.” 

P.S.  More about Mitt & dogs.