Tampon bombers
Terror babies
Certainly, following Goehmert’s logic, bullets do not make people fat – they’re probably indigestible.
Try taking down a wart hog with a spoon. Spoons do not have triggers, so, unlike bullets expelled from guns at high velocity, spoons cannot kill a wart hog from a distance of more than approximately three inches and not without an abnormal amount of exertion on the attacker’s part and an equally abnormal passivity on the wart hog’s part. Without a doubt, a spoon-armed attack on a wart hog is a nasty task, as I found out. I still wake up running through the neighhood screaming like a guy in a Wes Craven movie.
I looked this up. In any event, statistics bear out the Congressman’s observations: In the United States, from 1990 to date the number of accidental deaths/homicides/suicides by spoon are swamped by bullet-related deaths. Swamped. (Although, please note, I do not wish to imply that spoon crimes and negligence ought to remain unaddressed.) Also, from the FBI website, arrests in the 50 states for carrying a concealed spoon track quite closely Health and Human Services data on obesity.
Try eating a pudding with a bullet. I did so, forthrightly testing Congressman Goehmert’s logical argument. For a full 10 minutes, using a highly recommended Remington 9mm 124 grain FMJ (full metal jacket) bullet, I attacked a 12 oz. bowl of room temperature blanc mange I was able to stuff the concoction into my gullet, but the bullet’s small size caused me to consume far less pudding than I had in the pre-test whilst empolying a spoon. Clearly, this validates the Congressman’s observations.
All men are mortal.
Socrates is a man.
Therefore, all men are Socrates.
Woody Allen
